What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
