Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
