Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
