The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We have started to decorate penises.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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