I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
