you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
