I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
