YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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