brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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