i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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