I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
