i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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