On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
