you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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