I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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