remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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