I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
