Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
