I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
