just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
