every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
