Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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