I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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