My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
