So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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