So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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