HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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