I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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