so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
