I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
