Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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