It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
