I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
