I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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