on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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