fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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