Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
