Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
