Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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