We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
