Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
