i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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