I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
