In the future we'll all be gay
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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