My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
