we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
