hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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