Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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