Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
