There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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