And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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