the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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